


Forever

by kisssanitygoodbye



Category: Dragon Age, Dragon Age II
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-14
Updated: 2013-02-14
Packaged: 2017-11-29 07:36:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/684448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kisssanitygoodbye/pseuds/kisssanitygoodbye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some nights, Anders feels the urge to write down the word Forever, not because he thinks they will last that long, but he wants to know what it would look like, feel like, that promise of Always that he can’t give.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forever

Normal people, when in love, have a symmetry to them, always moving in perfect harmony and fitting into each other, their bodies instinctively making room for pointy elbows and bony shoulders.

He and Hawke, however, are crooked. Their edges are too sharp in bright sunlight. Something always needs to give way to make them fit, and the shadow their intertwined bodies throw against the wall is always, always so much bigger than they are.

Some nights, Anders feels the urge to write down the word  _Forever_ , not because he thinks they will last that long, but he wants to know what it would look like, feel like, that promise of  _Always_  that he can’t give.

He has never made promises lightly. Back with the Wardens, it was always  _Maybe_ and  _Perhaps_  and _I Might_ , and that was good, honest.

Hawke makes him want to say  _Of Course_  and  _Sure_ and  _I Will_ , and that’s dangerous, and unfair, because words are only words if they’re not followed by action, no matter how beautiful they might sound.

And even though they’re both to blame, Anders can’t help but feel so much more guilty than Hawke does. He should be better, stronger, because he is the one who is more than just human, and that should give him the power to carry them both, not drag them further down. He should be the anchor, not the current that makes it lose its grip.

Hawke is trying, harder than anyone should ever have to; he tries to smile every time Anders leaves, to hide the emptiness that follows, to welcome him back with open arms, always, even on days when Anders can see the hard lines the years with him have carved onto Hawke’s face.

Anders knows how hard it must be to make love with someone who hates himself sometimes.

He knows the pain that comes with being lied to, again and again and again.

He knows the worth of promises kept, and the crushing doubt that follows ones that aren’t.

He knows that  _I’m here_  means nothing when it isn’t followed by  _I’ll stay_.

He knows… so much more than he’d like to, and still not enough.

He doesn’t know how to erase the regret in Hawke’s eyes. How to say  _I love you_  without feeling a stabbing pain in his chest. How to be steady, for once.

But, the thing is, for all his uncertainty and doubt, he can’t let go.

And neither can Hawke.

Because after a little pushing and shoving, they  _do_ fit.

Other couples might be poems that take your breath away, statues made of white marble and paintings of orange sunsets, while he and Hawke are scribbles on the corner of a book page, but somehow, they still manage to be a masterpiece.

Maybe it would have been easier for Varric to tell a different story, one with more beauty and grace and orange sunsets, but he’s telling  _theirs_ , capturing tiny smiles and fingers brushing in the dark, preserving moments of deafening despair and quiet happiness, freezing them both in time.

Their story will last; so maybe, Anders doesn’t have to worry about himself and Hawke, because they already have  _Forever_  written all over them.


End file.
